A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. – Mignon McLaughlin
Indian actor Aamir Khan said in an interview that when he read the script of Dhobhi Ghaat, he fell in love all over again with his wife Kiran.
We all fall in love with our spouse.. time and again. I fell in love with my husband, and it seemed like another beginning, when learned about his struggles and his story of hard work, rage and innocent love. Similarly, my husband claims he has fallen in love with me multiple times.
I spoke to several couples and all of them claimed that practically, it is possible to regain the lost trust, re-ignite the passion and re-love the same person you thought you would never be able to again come close to.
Ego clashes, minor arguments, conflicting opinions, dominating personality traits are just some of the many causes that result in a marriage drifting apart. Many a times, we have an image of a person or a relation and when things turn out to be even slightly different, we feel betrayed and cheated. In the beginning of any relationship, we become so indulged and engaged that we move away from reality and come closer to dreams, wishes and wants.
In the process we also forget that it is not just us who is dealing with this gap in the image and the real person but our partner may also feel the same about us. Then, without even trying for the second time we start believing that he is not the one. Though I feel that no man is the one. We have to make him the one.
Try out the following simple techniques and see if you notice some changes in your husband’s behaviour. These are written from a woman’s perspective. (I’ll try writing from the other end some other time).
Be Gentle. To a man, a woman symbolizes gentleness, kindness, affection and love. Be gentle to him, to the kids, to servants and to your own self. Don’t take things too hard and nor nurture hard feeling for anyone.
Be Kind to His Family and People Around Him. Just the way we women adore our families, men do too. Infact they are even more attached to their families because they feel their family, their parents, younger siblings are their responsibility. So, always and always be kind to his family and his friends.
Be a Pillar of Strength For Him. Erica Jong wrote in her book ‘Fear of Flying’ – every woman loves a fascist. And I think this is the truest of all things being said about women. We all admire strength and power. And men are no different. Even they like and admire women who epitomize strength – moral, social and physical too. This doesn’t mean we have to be a body builder or a person who can let loose abusive words like a rhyming poem. But we should be strong enough to support him whenever he needs it. In times of distress, we should be able to run the family, to provide solid backing to kids and most importantly to stand up for him in public.
Make Him Feel Loved and Wanted. Who doesn’t want to be loved and appreciated. My husband puts it so well. He says, ‘it’s just your opinion that matters to me the most. Your criticism and your appreciation’.
Be an Inspiration. Men always hold respect for women who inspire them in some way. I remember a friend of mine who once said, ‘the reason I like you so much is that you inspire me to do better, to behave nicely and to be a better human being’.
Be Loyal. We women need loyalty from our husbands but so do husbands. Infact women can forgive an act of disloyalty but men simply cant’t. So, whenever need arises we should make our men realize how faithful and loyal we have been to them.
Be His Confidant. This one is the most important of all. If you are planning to make your husband go head over heels for you then first and foremost become his confider. Men are not good at expressing their feelings. Also they feel expression of love or grief is a weakness and that is the last thing they want to show. So, they always look for a friend or a partner who understands them without letting them feel weak by expressing. Become your husband’s best confider. He should be able to discuss his weaknesses, his failures and his inabilities with just the same ease as he discusses his success and accomplishments.
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